People think fear of flying is just anxiety about something happening to the plane while you’re up there, but it can be more than catastrophizing about ending up in the real-world version of Lost. Fear of flying can show up as feeling trapped, fear of germs from fellow passengers, worrying about not making it to the plane bathroom on time, anxiety around airport security (which can be so much harder for BIPOC folks), or fear of having a panic attack while on the plane and the embarrassment of having strangers witness that. The list is long!
At the same time, it is important to remember that the fear of flying is not that much different from other forms of anxiety. You probably already have several strategies for working through it, even if you’ve never flown before.
Anxiety = fear of the unknown + underestimating our capabilities.
Before the flight, you might think about all the “what ifs” of flying. This is perfectly reasonable. Travelling in general, and flying in particular, does include many factors, some of which are uncomfortable or unpleasant, and sometimes out of our control. Your brain is trying to run through all possible scenarios to come up with a coping strategy for each one. What might be helpful as you do this is to ask yourself: Am I engaging in black-and-white thinking? Am I only focusing on the worst possible outcome? What is the best possible outcome, and what is the most likely outcome? How will I deal with that?
You might also find it helpful to think about other times that you’ve dealt with the element of flying you find most difficult (e.g. feeling trapped or embarrassed in public). How did you get through before? What existing coping skills can you try to use in this new situation? What other difficult things have I dealt with in the past?
The tricky thing with anxiety is that it triggers the fight-flight-or-freeze response in our bodies. When this happens, our body can’t tell whether we’re facing a real physical threat (e.g. being chased by a bear, or being on a crashing plane) or if we’re experiencing anxiety about a social threat or thinking about a possible threat (e.g. feeling embarrassed about stress crying in front of other passengers, or worrying that the plane is going to crash after hitting some turbulence). It feels real.
If you experience anxiety when you’re on the plane, you might find it helpful to use the A.W.A.R.E acronym to work through it.
A. Accept that your anxious thoughts and feelings are OK and a natural reaction to a stressful or unfamiliar situation. The harder we push down the feelings, the more they push back up.
W. Wait and Watch. Give yourself time to calm down, even a little. Feeling distressed takes up a lot of energy, so we can only sustain this state for so long before we run out of steam. This might take longer than you think (15 to 30 minutes). Watch your anxiety from a distance. Observe your thoughts and feelings without judging them, or yourself for having them. You can imagine they are leaves on a stream or clouds in the sky.
A. Action. Act despite the anxiety and focus on one action at a time. For example, focus on breathing in and breathing out, or tensing up all the muscles in your body and clenching your fists for a count of three, and then releasing for a count of three.
R. Repeat the steps.
E. Expectations and empathy. Expect realistic things about yourself, and remember to show yourself compassion and kindness. For example, instead of planning an outing or an activity on the day that you land, give yourself time to rest and recuperate in the hotel room.
Other things that could make flying a little easier include talking to your doctor about anxiety medication to take on the flight, or learning and practicing grounding exercises, meditation and ways of shifting your thinking through therapy!
Overcome Your Fear of Flying with Professional Support
Fear of flying can significantly impact your ability to travel and enjoy new experiences. If you’re struggling with this phobia, consider booking a session with Mariana at Anchoridge Counselling Services. Marina is formally trained in solution-focused brief therapy and draws on many different modalities to work with clients at a pace that feels right for them.
Take the first step towards overcoming your fear and reclaiming your freedom to fly.
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